


Lost and found

by tearose11



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Best Friends, Communication Failure, Growing Up, Light Angst, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, SHEITH - Freeform, Time Skips, other characters not mentioned in tags
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-17 01:21:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29833869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tearose11/pseuds/tearose11
Summary: Sometimes you have to lose something to gain everything.Or,An extremely cliché love story in two chapters.
Relationships: Keith/Shiro (Voltron)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	Lost and found

**Author's Note:**

> A cleaned up version of my rambling threadfic from here which explains what Shiro is doing for this whole mess to start with: [Sheith threadfic](https://twitter.com/JinathHyder/status/1330289545343070211?s=19)
> 
> IF you want smut, please leave a comment, otherwise I'm just keeping it non-explicit, apart from a lot of swearing and mentions of sex, but without much else.

The shirt rips with the flexing of those muscles.

And Keith just explodes from his horny thoughts.

There’s a chorus of cheers, wolf whistles which pulls Keith back from horny jail.

Keith has accepted that Shiro does this in their dorm, hell, he even is ok with Shiro's thirst trap tik tok, but having ppl actually see in-person, Shiro’s naked body?

Nope.

Keith isn't having it.

At all.

Not when people are crowding Shiro, mooning over him.

No one is allowed to be in 40 ft proximity of a half-naked Shiro.

No.

One.

Except Keith.

Who throws his jacket on said half-naked man & pulls out a knife when someone lifts a hand towards Shiro’s bicep. Shiro is stunned, then alarmed, then is being pulled by his hands by a feral Keith out of the room, drunk, high students parting like the Red Sea before them. It's not till the cold night air hits Shiro’s face that he finally puts his considerable bulk into good use and firmly stops, almost causing Keith to crash back into him as the latter hadn't stopped.

"WTF?"Keith scowls up at him.

"What the hell was...is this Keith?" Shiro asks, frowning, confused.

"I was saving your dumb ass from being attacked by a horny crowd of university students, Shiro!" Keith yells back.

Like really? Couldn't the idiot understand that he had to protect his man from lecherous...wait, wait...wait..."his man"????

Keith is hit in the guts with the realization that he's in over his head with love for his 6'4" ft tall wall of muscle roommate. Who is looking at him, torn shirt & Keith’s jacket not covering much of said muscles.

Keith gulps. Oh shit...  
He tries to yank his hand back, lest Shiro feel his pulse rocketing like the latest Space X mission into the outer atmosphere.

But Shiro isn't letting go.

"Keith?"

He keeps asking, now looking like an absolutely kicked puppy as Keith feels a sudden  
a trickle of tears mar his eyes.

Why the fuck was he tearing up?

Why was Shiro looking so fucking concerned instead of angry?

Why was he suddenly being engulfed in a giant Shiro Hug™?

"Are you, ok, Keith?" Shiro asks, voice soft, muffled by Keith’s hair into which he had buried  
his face into. Keith draws in as deep breaths as he can manage, smothered by Shiro’s dumb, but oh, so awesome pecs...umm...Shiro’s chest...

Really? Brain really? Keith pulls away disgusted by his own thoughts. Now is not the time to want to fondle Shiro’s slabs of flesh, no matter how fucking nice they are...like...really nice...then there's those delicious abs...

"Hey!"

Shiro’s voice cuts off Keith’s spiraling thoughts.

Righhhht...

"Keith? Are you ok? Did you take any drinks from someone?" Shiro asks, titling back Keith’s face, scrutinizing.

"Do you feel dizzy? Did you drink too much?"

Shiro is now looking up & down, hands skimming over Keith as if feeling for injuries.

"Did...did you fall & hit your head? Do we need to call 911?"

Keith wants to laugh...OMG this idiot thinks Keith needs medical attention?

Maybe he does, but more like a therapist who can explain to Keith how he's been such a loser, in love with this hunk of meat with brains, who can tear shirts off his back by simply flexing (SO HOT), who, instead of being angry is obviously concerned over Keith’s erratic  
behavior of literally man handling him 10 mins ago, then almost crying (over a really NICE broad chest) without any explanation.

"I'm fine. Not drunk, not high, no, no one has roofied me...I'm...I just had a temporary lapse in judgment." Keith says, stepping away to look up at Shiro’s still very skeptical face.

"Temporary lapse in judgment? Are you kidding, me, Keith? You acted like a jealous boyfriend from some bad rom-com." Shiro raises an eyebrow. "What the hell was that even about? If you aren't comfortable with me doing things, you can talk to me, Keith, not fucking brandish a knife at other people."

Shiro’s tone is so disappointed, Keith feels his stomach clench in a world of hurt.

"I'm not sure what's going on...but I don't , I just can't deal with this, Keith. It's...too much."

What?

Keith watches in a daze as Shiro takes his jacket, the one Keith had so unceremoniously thrown at him, folds it before gently shoving it at Keith’s arms.

"I'm...I think I'm going to crash at Hunk’s tonight. I don't think I can be in the same room...I'm sorry, Keith..."

Shiro pulls out his phone as Keith stands there, clutching his jacket. Shiro looks up at him, but averts his eyes, turning towards the road.

"I called you an Uber, should be here in...oh there he is."

Uber?

Keith’s brain is absolutely blank.

What is happening?

Why was Shiro acting like this? What..why is he so fucking sad?

"I'm so..." Keith tries to speak, but Shiro is maneuvering him towards the car that had pulled up, opening the door.

Keith manages to get into the passenger seat, still holding the jacket, absolutely nothing is making sense in his mind. The door closes on his outstretched hand as he's reaching for Shiro, fingers clutching at empty air, words stuck in his open mouth.

"You buckled up? We good?"

The driver's question makes Keith's head whip around.

No, no he wasn't good.

He's in the back of a car, seat belt around his waist, how, he's not sure. Did Shiro do that?  
The driver doesn't wait for a verbal confirmation, looking back at him, and satisfied, changes gears.

"WAIT!" Keith says, belatedly, scrambling to look back at the curb.

It's empty.

"Forget something?"

Keith makes a muffled sound in his throat.

There's no one there on the street.

"No...no...nothing...I'm...never mind."

He still glances back, twisting his head as if he can manifest Shiro standing there from sheer force of will. The spot stays empty as the car turns the corner and disappears from Keith’s view.

__

It's been precisely 7 hours Keith thinks, surely Shiro will come back now, right? He's pulled out his phone several times, on the verge of texting the other man, but every time he stalls.

Maybe wait 5 more minutes & Shiro will be home?

Another 10 minutes crawl by.

The door to their apt, stays closed.

Keith has been clutching his phone so tightly, his whole body shakes as the object suddenly lights up.

It's...his mom.

He croaks what he hopes is a happy hello.

"What's wrong?" Krolia is far too attuned to him to even pretend that it was a normal greeting.

Suddenly Keith can't...he sobs. He's had nothing to eat since the evening before, had barely ten minutes of sleep, having tossed & turned all night, raked with guilt & regret and now the dams burst.

"On, no...honey..,." Krolia soothes through the phone. "It's ok, it's ok. Let it out, ok?"

He cries for how long he's not sure, his mom's voice in his ears are just soft and comforting, his dad takes over at some point, then they're both talking to him. Just what they say he's not sure, just that it makes him feel less unhinged, the tears slowly drying up, his eyes feel heavy & tired…

The next thing he knows is waking up in his bed.

What...he's disoriented for a minute, wasn't he on the couch just a few minutes ago? He scrambles to get up, hands searching for his phone when he sees it on the bedside table.  
His mouth feels like it's filled with cotton, then his stomach growls.

God, he's a mess...he shoves the comforter aside as his stomach makes an even louder plea for food.

Wait, he's in pajamas? When did he change?

"Shut up!" he says as yet again his body makes a loud rumbling demand for sustenance.

He's trying to untangle his foot from the cover when the door to his room opens.

In the dim light of the lamp, it's hard to make out the expression of the man's face, backlit from the hall.

Keith swallows that huge cotton ball at his throat. "...Shiro...?"

_ 

Keith eats the food, hands a little shaky. Shiro is sitting on the opposite side, arms crossed. His face is almost expressionless, but Keith hasn't spent years looking at the man to not have noticed the tightness around those usually smiling lips.

He looks down at the pizza, (four-cheese his favorite), but he can't muster up any further appetite. A million questions hover on his lips, but he doesn't voice them. He has never seen Shiro this tense. So instead he drinks the water, then the Gatorade Shiro had insisted on.

Once he can no longer pretend to drink the very last drops, he looks up & meets Shiro’s gaze.

It's guarded, almost stern.

With a deep breath, Keith speaks, there is no need to prolong this, "Thank you for the food, I guess I needed it."

Shiro hums, looking away, then looking back and Keith holds his gaze.

"Shir...", he starts.

"Your mom called me."

Keith sighs, "Shiro, I'm sorry..."

"Keith, just...just let me finish."

Keith frowns, as Shiro takes in a deep breath & starts, his voice monotonous almost, as if he's repeating something he has practiced saying a thousand times.

"Your parents were very worried, they asked me to look after you."

Oh...Keith’s chest feels hollow; Shiro didn't come home of his own accord, it was simply because Keith’s parents asked.

"I assured them I'd make sure you're ok. So there's no need to say thanks. I did what I promised."

There's a pause which stretches out, Keith looking down at his hands, trying to reconcile this strange, aloof Shiro with the Shiro he's known for years. How big of a line did he cross last night?

"Shiro, I..."

"I'm moving out."

They both speak at the same time.

Keith stutters, "What?"

Shiro shrugs, looking away, "I'm waiting on two people to let me know who can move in here faster..."

Keith stands up, "You can't move out! Why? Why would you do this? I'm sorry, I...I don't know why I acted like that last night..."

"That's the problem, Keith. You never stop to think before you do anything."

Keith is too stunned to respond.

"You're always impulsive, so quick to rush in...it's just tiring to keep up. I...I can't handle it, it's too much for me to cope with. There was absolutely no need for you To behave like some teenage wannabe thug every time you don't like something."

What the...Keith’s hands tremble..."teenage thug?" Is that what Shiro thinks of him? All these years they've been friends, Shiro’s been merely putting up with him?

"You...you don't get to Lecture me on MY behavior, Shiro. You're a fucking frat boy, smashing beer cans, getting drunk off your ass...You threw up into Allura’s mom's vase just two fucking weeks ago!"

Shiro is now standing up, eyes ablaze.

"So what? I'm a fucking university student, Keith. I still manage to maintain my grades. So what if I have a social life? Are we all supposed to act misanthropic like you?"

Keith gasps.

"When was the last time you got a call from my mom to see if I was alive? When did you have to sleep on a fucking couch because you didn't want to deal with a trigger happy roommate? Huh?"

Keith’s heart is beating so fast he feels like he can't almost breathe. Anger, disappointment, sadness, he doesn't know which emotion he's supposed to focus on.

The minutes tick by as they both stand on either side of the table, air heavy with tension.

Shiro moves first, shaking his head, walking to stand behind the chair.

"Call your parents, I'm done with being your babysitter."

Keith’s still standing when the door to Shiro’s room clicks shut, then all that's left is deafening silence.

_ 

It's been a week.

Keith has felt every single day in his marrow.

Shiro, his best friend, maybe the only real friend he has ever had is gone.

The apartment is empty despite Shiro not taking all the furniture he had paid for. The sofa where they had dozed off after a grueling surprise quiz is still there in all it's Ikea glory. The juicer still gleams on the counter as if waiting for Shiro to come back & make some disgusting kale smoothie that Keith would run away from, while Shiro chased him to take a sip.

Even Shiro’s bedroom seems like it's ready for someone to turn down the galaxy-print duvet for the night.

Of course, the clothes are gone.

So are the shoes, the guitar & amp, the anime posters, Gundam figures and text books.

The desk looks forlorn and empty.

Just like Keith’s heart.  
He closes the door to the room, unable to see the lone moon lamp he had given Shiro, on the bedside table like the evidence to a crime, taunting Keith.

He resolutely stomps to the kitchen, trying to dispel the quiet, trying to think of some tune he can whistle.

Even earworms seemed to have abandoned him, as he can't even recall an annoying ad tune to him. He turns the TV on, mindlessly scrolling then gives up to get a bowl of cereal. Except...well no one has bought milk since...fine, dry Honey-nut Cheerios it is. It's whole wheat, says it can lower cholesterol (not that Keith needs to worry about it, at least he hopes), has fibre, so it can't be that terrible for the only meal he's managed to remember to eat today, can it?

Just as he painfully swallows a spoonful of dry cereal, his phone buzzes.

His finger hovers over the answer button, even as he contemplates not answering. But he can't.

"Hi mom." He tries to sound upbeat.

He spends the next 10 minutes dodging questions, and reassuring Krolia, that he, the first born, really, the ONLY beloved child of his parents, not just beloved

But adored, spoilt, the apple of his grandparents' eyes, is in fact, fine.

Yes, Keith is fine.

Never been better.

He's got the whole place to himself. He can walk around naked (Keith! his mom says) because he's by himself now.

Just him.

Alone.

It's great!

_______

Keith is exhausted. The finals were stressful, the last one particularly brutal which had left everyone completely devoid of any thoughts. He barely can manage to crawl home, mustering up enough energy to plop down on his couch.

Peace at last.

Or not, as roughly 20 seconds later his phone starts buzzing.  
He groans, taking it out of his pocket and just throwing it on the carpet below, not caring if it was an emergency alert announcing the city under attack from Mothra.

Not his problem.

He actually may have nodded off for a few minutes, before the harsh pounding on the door wakes him up.

WTF...? His phone is also buzzing, whirring somewhere beneath the sofa, while that knocking is shaking the door almost off the hinges.

"KEITH!"

"MULLET-HEAD!"

Eyes bleary, he looks at the window...when the hell did it get so dark?  
"I'M BREAKING THIS DOOR DOW..."

The loud voice is cut-off by a short, which is followed by "Listen here, I can break down doors, ok? I just look lean, but I'm packed, like stacked, no swole with..."

"Shit. You're swole with with Lance-sized turds." Keith says opening the door.

Pidge shoves Lance away while the taller boy is stuttering. "Do you know what time it is?"

Keith rummages on the floor trying to find the still buzzing phone. "Late?"

"And you still haven't showered or changed..." Pidge's voice trails off towards his room, and now Lance completely ignores him to open up the doritos bag on the table, settling on the sofa.

"Really man? I'm trying to reach my phone." Keith grumbles, shoving the other boy with his feet.

"You're a terrible host." Lance mumbles between chips

"Bitch please I'd never invite your flat ass to place."

"Boys!

They both stop, Keith picking up his phone; it's Hunk. He texts back "Sorry but calla ya back k?"

"You're wearing these..." Pidge is trusting a pile of clothing on Keith's face.

"Wut...whyyyy" he whines, "These aren't even my clothes!"

Pidge takes a deep breath, "Yes they are yous. For tonight only."  
"Don't worry you turn into seafoam at midnight...oh wrong fairy tale, you end up in rags, lose your crystal slipper etc., Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo!”

Keith looks at Lance & Pidge.

"What are ...are you talking about?"

Pidge signs. Men are all just..." Allura? Ring a bell?"

Keith’s brain is slowly, slowly playing word associations with Allura.

Very sweet person. Can beat his ass in most anything. Loves all the flowers...literally could be Disney Princess...well she was An like real honest to goodness, heir to a throne...Oohhhhhhh SHIT.

"Fuck, she'll kill me."

"Not if I kill you first. Pidge says just way too seriously for Keith to gulp.

"An hour", Pidge checks her phone,"and 8 minutes, timer starts...NOW!"

A litany of curses, swear words are accompanied by yelps of pain (Lance probably) & closet doors being closed harshly (Keith no doubt).

Pidge smirks, as she leaves Keith’s apt, shakes her head by the door to Lance's place & walks past, humming.

__

Keith is sweating despite the air-conditioned setting. It's the flash of light bulbs, the crowd, the unfamiliar clothes he's wearing.

When weeks, or was it months ago?

He doesn't remember, but he'd said yes to Allura’s invite, skimming over the details, except registering it was some kind of party. He wasn't even sure if it mentioned a dress code (whom the fuckst has a dress code for a uni party? Royalty that's whomst) & had been extremely puzzled when he had actual, honest to goodness, mail, physical, MAIL, in his  
apt, which he had stepped on, not knowingly, of course when he came home.

His first thought had been that it was some legal document, (Who else but the archaic govt sends actual mail? Again it turned out to be: royalty), and he'd actually closed, double bolted his door, afraid that he owed the govt. something, not sure to what extent, but he has a healthy skepticism of the govt., thank you very much, and that a S.W.A.T. team was lurking right outside to pounce on him.

Except the envelope was definitely not something the govt would spend money on, very bougie looking crest-adorned, fancy handwritten stuff that he was slightly afraid of being punished for stepping on, item, cream coloured and such.

It was so fancy, he felt like he needed to shower before opening it, but he had shrugged & slit it open with his knife anyway. The card was filled with a very dictionary heavy salutations & muted gold fonts, requesting his presence at some fancy evening...blah blah, why couldn't Allura just send out a zoom invite or something for it, instead of so much gucci? His eyes glazed over just thinking about it.

Actually his eyes were glazing over, from the fumes of money on display.

He was absolutely sure people were wearing shoes worth more than his entire collection of knives, doused in perfume which probably were more than his kidneys would go for on the dark web.

But Allura was celebrating in her engagement to some other heir to some throne, Lotus or whatever the hell his name was, and Keith's presence had been requested, so here he was, standing off to this side of the bar, rich people watching.

Lance had dragged Pidge to the dance floor, along with Hunk & Shae, so he was to be the only of his circle of people without a "guest" to awkwardly sway to music to. At least he had his small-batch, locally brewed, something something beer, which was surprisingly good (and free, henlo open bar, thank you, Allura’s dad for being a literally a King, God save the King, oh and Queen, too), despite the snooty faced bartender's "If I may be of service & suggest something for the gentleman...?"

Keith rolled his eyes, what was this, a Jane Austen novel?

But ok, ok, the beer was good, he thought waving back to Hunk’s very happy arm motions to get his attention.

He couldn’t shout something out loud in response, there were actual heads of states in the building, he was not going to draw attention to himself, even he knew that. But he was happy for his friends, so he raised his glass as a toast & took a sip of his drink.

That's when he noticed.

The entire crowd seemed to turn into smoke as an extremely familiar breadth of shoulders came up on his peripheral vision.

The beer was acidic and bitter as he swallowed.

There's a dark smokey hand that's squeezing Keith’s heart, slowly, as he tries to draw in a breath.

His eyes follow the couple on the dance floor, the lights reflecting off dyed white hair like a halo.

He tries to focus on the other dancers, but the companion to the hand pressing on his chest turns his head to hone in on the only pair he can see in his darkening vision.

Is that who...not his business.

Not his business.

Keith closes his eyes, clutching the glass of beer with a shaking palm.

Stop caring. looking.

He refuses to give in.

He can't.

He won't go through the last 2 year's worth of pain.

No.

He's graduating.

He has friends.

His stupid, weak heart doesn't have to jump out of his chest every time he catches the slightest hint of a pair of gray eyes, a specific smirk.

Stop it.

Stop.

He is more than some shitty crush on a friend...ex-roommate.

He didn't even need a roommate.

He lived, studied, did everything perfectly well by himself without a babysitter.

His parents loved him.

He was healthy.

Fit.

Well...fit enough as one can be on a student's diet of ramen, cheap beer, questionable amount of sleep...see, see he can, will, must distract himself.  
This was...easy.

Hadn't he managed to avoid that...person for years? Despite having a few odd shared  
classes here & there?

He did.

After the first two months, he didn’t feel like he was dying.

What was one evening compared to that?

There were a multitude of guests here, friends, probably some strangers his age. Why should one person's presence ruin that? Plus this was Allura’s night. Yes, Allura was also friends with...but he was also her friend & he was not going to have a public melt down at her engagement party over a man who clearly couldn't give a single fuck about Keith.

Fuck him.

Keith marched over to the bar, almost slamming down the glass.

"Do you have any other suggestions?" He scowled at the bartender. "Something  
maybe not as weak at a beer?"

The man eyed him up & down as white gloved waiters whisked off trays of drinks.

"Hmm. Of course, sir. Would an apértif suffice?

An afferawut? Keith pretended as if he had one very day, "Exactly what I meant, umm, splendid..." he trailed off hoping not many specifics would be asked of him. At least not until he could google it.

He sits down to do just that, when Pidge taps him on the shoulder.

"You ok, here by yourself?"

Keith laughs a bit too harshly. "I'm fine. Really. You know I hate dancing. Plus free booze."  
"Look I'm even learning what an atterafit, (Apéritif, Pidge corrects him), yeah, yeah is. I'm cool while you guys do your thing. It's only for a bit, before the actual start of the actual party, this is like a fancy tailgate or something."

Pidge stares at him, as he deftly averts meeting her eyes. She sighs, drawing in a breath, but Keith’s drink is ready so she doesn't get a chance to bring up anything. They had seen Shiro arrive, Hank had panicked on Keith’s behalf, but Pidge was the one who came up to check on the dark haired boy.

Well, if Keith was going to adamantly refuse to say or do anything, and currently not freaking out, well he was a grown man, not much Pidge could do. They'll keep an eye on him, but maybe letting him deal with it in his own way was the best idea.

"OK dance offer still stands." She says, giving Keith’s back a bump, "Be good."

"Okay, mom." Keith responds, before taking a sip of his new fangled drink. It's bitter, but then turns slightly citrus sweet. He's not sure what's in it, but it's good, despite being different than his usual.

"Enjoying the Negroni, sir?"

Keith nods vigorously. "It's pretty good." Then he pounds it back. All in one go.

The bartender's open mouth is quite the sight, or it would be, if Keith wasn’t too busy sputtering and having a coughing fit.

"Sir, are you ok?" The bartender is alarmed, as Keith now has tears running down his face.

His throat is burning, he can feel the warmth of the alcohol going down his esophagus. Why, why did he gulp it down like a shot?

A glass of water is placed on the bar which he's going to drink, if his coughing would just stop.

"Keith?"

His heart stops.

Noooo...he coughs again.

He's hearing things.

Squeezing his eyes shut, he reaches for the water.

"Keith?

No, no, he's not going to open his eyes.

It's not him.

It's not his voice.

It's good to know that despite everything Keith’s olfactory bulb still functions extremely well. He knows that scent, plum & incense, he is breathing it in by the lung full, a heady mixture of past memories, and present longing.

Just a minute more, he bargains, just a minute more before he has to open his eyes...

"Friend of yours, sir?"

The bartender's voice breaks Keith’s delusions, bringing along with it another cough.  
"Yes...I know, Keith." Shiro says, as Keith peers up from slightly damp lashes.

He stares at the glass of water, then the bartender.

Right...he drinks it slowly, as slowly he can manage.

"Are you alright, sir?"

Keith gives a shaky thumb up, croaking out, "Yeah, sorry..."

The man behind the counter nods, goes back to his work.

Despite the crowded surroundings, there's an unpleasant quietness, a buzz of silence in Keith’s ears.

Does Shiro want to say something?

Should he say something?

"Better?" Shiro says, voice monotone.

Drawing in a breath, Keith looks back to the taller man.

"Better."

Shiro looks much the same as ever, except the silver hair, which should by rights make him look a tad like an anime character, but really does the opposite, drawing out more of those sharp features.

Unfair, Keith thinks.

It's hard not to stare, even though Keith is trying, really he is, but his gaze meets dark silver eyes and he's falling into an abyss filled with years and years of wanting, waiting, and yearning.

It's that moment as an eight-year old when the Shiroganes move in next door & he's excited because he can finally have a second person to test out his new tree house.

It's the time when he's confused as as eleven-year old when he thinks at a family wedding that he'd like to exchange rings with someone, too, if only to see his mom try to hide her watery eyes (an extremely unusual occurrence) while his dad patted her hand, & it's Shiro that he pictures in his mind as the "someone".

It's when he's fifteen & realizes that Shiro is...Shiro and utterly irresistible and definitely not interested in Keith, his childhood buddy, far too busy flirting with the guy he played rugby with on the school team.

Not that he can blame the other boy, who wouldn't want to flirt with the Golden Boy aka Takashi Shirogane?

Just look at him.

100% thirst trap.

And Keith’s not immune. Not then. Not now.

"Ah...I..." he starts.

"Shiro, how long does it take to get a drink?"

Keith’s body tenses. Right, Shiro wasn't here alone.

The sinking feeling in Keith’s stomach grows as he watches Shiro walk away with a muttered "Excuse me."

Keith has to physically hold on to the counter to not scream out loud.

He covers his ears when he hears the conversation behind him.

He can't stomach how normal Shiro sounds, he doesn't want to know whatever it is the pair is talking about. This was ridiculous.He was not going to behave like this, cowering to hide away from two other adults having a conversation. People broke up every day, they divorced, went on to live perfectly normal lives, talked to their former lovers.

Shiro and his relationship was nothing like that.

They had been simply friends, best friends sure, but just that.

Nothing more.

Keith uncovered his ears.

No more acting like a child.

"Hi, I'm Keith." His body has moved of it's accord, words tumbling out even before his brain has even alerted him of the fact.

He watches the surprise on the other man's face, and hears Shiro’s slight gasp.

"Nice to meet, you." He continues, extending his hand out as if he's at a job interview & he's meeting his potential boss.

"Ah...hi, I'm Jake..." the man says, shuffling on his feet, then belatedly lifting a hand which Keith shakes.

He's not backing down.

He even smiles.

It's as fake as the pecs on a popular fit guy on insta. Keith knows this because he's been on that subreddit & has seen the non-filtered photos.

Jess or Jordan or whatever the man's name is tugs to free his hand from the death grip of Keith’s, which he lets go with a smirk.

Weak.

"Didn't you want a drink?" Shiro’s voice cuts through Keith’s fantasy of beating Joshua in arm wrestling.

"Huh...yeah, I did. Umm, did you want one...?"

The man looks so confused, Keith decides to take pity on him. "Sure, two Negronis, please."  
Tilting his head he crosses his arms & smiles again.

"Shiro probably wants one, too."

"Ah...okay..." the blonde man frowns, pauses for a few seconds then walks towards the bar counter.

"What are you doing?" Shiro’s fingers grip Keith’s bicep tightly, startling Keith.

"Me? I just asked for a drink..."

"Keith!"

Keith almost wants to groan out loud at the sensation of Shiro’s bruising hold.

He hisses under his breath as Shiro lets go, "Sorry I didn't mean to touch you like that."

Keith snorts, "Yeah, that was always the problem."

And immediately regrets it. Goddammit brain, you can't string together two words infront of others, but now is the time you decide to finally fucking function?

WTF.

"I meant…," he tries to salvage it somehow.

"Trying not to touch you was the problem."

Keith’s mouth falls open...wut..What kind of drugs were in the drink? Did his ears stop working?

The look of absolute horror on Shiro’s face is confusing AF.

It had to be alcohol, right?

It HAD to be.

Otherwise why would Shiro say something like that?

Then be all Britney oops I did it again face? Then stammer.

Stammer!

FFS this was an embarrassingly bad lucid dream. Except Keith has never tried it, but still, this was a joke, hahaha right....unless...

"Are you high? Signed up for a prescription drug trial?" Keith asks, now genuinely worried as Shiro’s face goes from red to blanched white.

He steps a slightly closer to Shiro’s still body & drops his voice to a whisper.

"Is...John forcing you to take something you don't want?"

"What...who...is John?" Shiro finally gets some colour back on his cheeks.

Keith jerks his head back, eyes motioning behind him to where he thinks the blonde man was.

Shiro continues to look at him, gesturing a "?" with his hands.

"Your...boyfriend." Keith bites out.

"Ah...I don't have one?" Shiro says, frowning.

*Record scratch*

"What?" Keith almost shouts.

"What, what?" Jericho says holding up three glasses and struggling to hand over one to Keith.

"Who the hell are you then?" Keith asks, snatching then drink and spilling some of it. God dammit, he thinks, will they make him pay for the cleanup?

"We just met, like 5 minutes ago." Jonathan says, eyes rolling, "I thought you'd be just a bit more (he pauses to give Keith a once over) intelligent, more together to have Shiro’s undying lo...mjghiuf"...

Shiro’s hands muffle the man's mouth, making the latter stumble back, glasses tipping to spill more liquid. Keith watches in some strange slow movie montage, thinking Allura was going to execute them all for treason.

"Ok, hang the fuck on..." Jefferson says.

"Excuse me, is there a problem here?" A voice cuts in whatever Shiro and Keith are starting to say.

Dark suit, beefy face with squinty eyes. Yup, Allura is to throw them in some secret Altean dungeon, Keith thinks, while another obvious security man hovers near-by.

"Keith!" Hunk is running towards them, followed by Lance.

Keith crosses himself mentally, not that he's religious, but this is the end for all of them, isn't it?

"Ahem." A red haired man appears almost out of thin air.

Hunk turns, "Coran, I'm sure this is all a big mistake."

Oh wonderful, now there's more people gawking, someone now probably live tweeting

"Teatime bitches, I'm at the Altean Princess's engagement party & y'all won't believe how it's unfolding.#drama!"

Sadly tmz hasn't contented for how everything is smoothly moved away from the rest of the crowd as if by some magic, wielded by a very efficient mustachioed man.

One minute there's a bunch of frat boys throwing drinks, the next there's the bumpin' tune of the summer that has most scrambling to dance, and they are in a room away from the main event, herded up like criminals by Coran and more people in dark suits.

Lance is side-eying him, while Hunk is talking to Shiro and Jace...no, Jake, that's the man's name, in hushed tones.

"I can see your mouth twitching." Keith says.

Lance literally throws hands, "Dude! (The entire room looks at him, so he lowers his voice,)...dude, why are you like this? I really thought you were over fighting randos over Sh...over shit."

"I wasn't fighting, gawd."

"Ok boys, we're all good, right?" Coran says, just a bit too brightly. "Maybe we can all moderate our liquid intake for the rest of the evening, hmm? At least till after dinner?"

The "boys" shuffle in collective embarrassment, eyes darting everywhere else but on the man, muttering an assortment of apologies.

"Alright then, all good, thank you for your discretion gentlemen appreciate it," Coran says, twirling the ends of his mustache, nodding at the security. "Well done, I'm sure the kids will be too busy enjoying the entertainment & celebrating the Princess' happiness. I will handle it from here!"

__

There's an awkward silence at the table.

It's been about 40 minutes since The Incident Which Shall Not Be Spoken Of.

It's so bad that even Lance hasn't said anything.

So basically Defcon 1 level.

Around them people are talking, glasses clinking.

The couple of the evening are due to make a grand entrance, as per the sequence of events printed on the hand written note at each table setting.

Keith’s is currently folded into an awkward lumpy square on his lap.

Besides him, Hunk clears his throat.

"I...I can't wait to see Allura."

Everyone agrees in vague sentences.

Shae pats Hunk’s hands, "Me, too. I can't wait to see what she'll be wearing. Not...that is I mean, it's not about the clothes..."

She trails off, shyly.

Pidge jumps in, "Shae, it's fine, we know what you meant. I mean as much as I want to say it's not really correct to reduce women to what they wear..."

Lance lifts his glass of wine, "Yes, to strong women, cheers, especially clothed women...or not, that is it's their choice if they want to not wear clothing..." he yelps as Pidge kicks his shin.

The table bursts in laughter as Lance waves his hands, "That not what I meant! You guys!"

Even Keith snorts, what the hell were they even talking about?

"It's ok, Lance." Shae says softly as everyone else laughs.

"Why can't you all be like her?" Lance huffs, "Shae, you're the only smart one at this table."

"Hey!" "Excuse me?" "Listen, here you!" A chorus of protests start as a lot of the tension fades, everyone talking over each other.

Keith shakes his head, then freezes as he accidentally gazes at Shiro.

They both flush, looking away.

Why Allura had them all at the same table was a mystery, Keith has been trying to get over that fact the entire time they've been seated.

She really wasn't that dense...Keith shifts in his chair. No, she's a grown ass woman who probably expected Keith to behave like a level headed human being...ok, so maybe she wasn't that smart. Keith glances up again, then looks away just as quickly when Shiro looks at him.

WTF.

How is he supposed to endure the whole fucking evening with him sitting there? With that fake dumb blonde, no less.

With whom his friends were now beginning to talk to.

Was this a conspiracy?

Fucking top 10 anime betrayal?

Before he could stew further, Coran's voice rang through the large room.

"Good evening, everyone..."

Allura is a vision. Even in the midst of his misery & her treachery, Keith can appreciate that. Her fiancé is smiling at her as if she hung the moon, which in her silver gown, she probably can out compete some Lunar Goddess without lifting a finger.

Everyone is enchanted as the couple make their way towards where the proud parents are seated. Even in the midst of it, Allura flashes them a smile, a small wave, like an excited little girl, then leans to whisper to Lotor, who in turn gives them a little nod.

"I guess he's ok." Lance says, thankfully out of the engaged pair's hearing range.Pidge actually coos, the most sappiest thing Pidge has ever done, shocking everyone at the table.

"What? Lance is right. And I'm proud of my boyfriend for being so mature."

Lance turns an alarming shade of red; he used to have a bit of a crush on Allura way back in high school, but he had outgrown it, finally noticed Pidge after a few doomed relationships.

Keith crushed the paper in his hand a tab more aggressively.

He knew Pidge didn't mean that to be a shade. And he was genuinely happy for everyone...except...well, he was the only one without a date at the table, wasn't he? He misses a bit of what's being said at the head table, even though he's looking right at the people there, clapping on autopilot along with everyone else.

No one is paying him attention, so he slams back what's left of his wine.

May as well get buzzed after the fucking disaster of a night, right?

As he turns to put down the glass, he has sudden goosebumps, as if someone was looking at him.

Probably the secret service...actually did Alteans call them the secret service?

He looks around the room, spotting one of the earlier Hulk-like men standing by a wall.

Really, dude you're not fooling me now, he thinks, stopping himself from pointing at the man.

Someone is still talking, and Keith discreetly rolls his eyes.

Honestly it's a fucking engagement party, not a meeting at the U.N. discussing world peace.  
Ugh. Also he needs to go to the washroom.

Throwing his napkin on his chair, he stands up with an"excuse me".

And stumbles.

Just a bit.

Thankfully no one notices, so Keith walks out with some dignity intact, heading towards the washrooms.

He looks at himself in the mirror as he's washing hands; he's not fully sober, yet not really buzzed anymore, the entire evening has his nerves on edge. He's not really sure if he wants to go right away to not fully pay attention to anything that's happening, but it would be rude to Allura to not go back…

He sighs, only noticing belatedly that the hand-drier has long stopped, that he's been standing there for too long.

Yeah, some air will be good.

He's aware of the security person's stern look as he steps through glass doors to the gardens, but isn't stopped, so he shrugs it off.

Now that he's outside he can't hear much of the party, in fact it's actually nice, just a soothing sound of a waterfall or fountain somewhere close by.

He breathes in and out slowly, trying to clear his mind. The scent of flowers is heavy in the air, an occasional cricket chirp, but otherwise he's alone in the space which is exactly what he wanted.

Just a few more minutes and he'll head back inside.

No one will miss him anyway.

He could probably leave and no one would notice.

No...no, he's not going to get teary eyed at that.

Ok calm down drama queen!

"Keith?"

He almost falls off the bench he had been sitting on.

"Sh...Shiro?"

To say he's shocked is an understatement. Still Keith tries to school his face.

"Is everything ok?" He asks, voice squeaking ever so slightly.

"Yes..." Shiro says, but then his shoulders slump, and Keith watches in disbelief as the other man covers his face in his hands with what sounds like a muffled cry.

Keith’s mouth drops open, unable to form words as Shiro’s frame quakes from now clear sobs.

"Shiro...," Keith isn't sure what to say, he wants to hug the upset man, to say it was ok, that no matter what had happened Keith would go kick whoever made Shiro cry to the stratosphere...except, well, he's not Shiro’s friend anymore is he?

Where the fuck was that blonde jerk? Keith’s going to bitchslap him forty ways to Sunday.  
But...he can't stand it, and his feet move on their own to where Shiro is still trying to stifle his sobs.

Keith, who loathes touching people, can't hold back his hands from reaching out to grasp at Shiro’s arms.

"Shiro...it's ok...," Jesus Keith sucked at this kind of stuff, what can he say? "...what's wrong...you're worrying me...".

Shiro takes a deep breath and Keith drops his hands.

"I'm sorry, I didn't...just wanted to help."

Finally Shiro lifts his head up, eyes watery, nose red.

Keith blinks, his own vision suddenly blurry.

He's never seen Shiro cry. Not with this much pain in his eyes.

Not even when he was in the hospital after the accident, missing an arm. Even then he had given Keith a goofy smile and made jokes about getting lasers fixed to his new prosthetic, and made even shittier "pew pew" noises once he had that shiny new robotic arm.

Sure, he got sad now and then, Keith knew, but never looked so broken as he did now.

He didn't care that Shiro had a date waiting for him inside, he had to hug Shiro...even as he was thinking his body was moving forwards, an ungraceful lunge that collided with the solid bulk of Shiro’s body, almost knocking Shiro off his feet.

But somehow, Shiro didn't fall, and for the first time in a long, long time Keith was engulfed in that famous Shiro hug.

It was so...perfect and right, Keith closed his eyes, tight, to hold back the tears which were threatening to escape.

"Shiro, it's ok, it's ok."

He said over and over, not sure if it was meant to console the other man or to convince himself that it was acceptable for him to act like this as if they hadn't parted on bad terms, and that Keith’s heart had never recovered.

The tears he had been trying so hard to hold back, rolled down his cheeks, soaking into Shiro’s jacket.

"Keith..." Shiro’s voice was husky, somewhere over Keith’s head. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't do this...shouldn't have come out here..."

Keith’s heart stopped.

Of course...his hands fell, from where they had been holding on to Shiro.

They stepped apart, Keith instantly feeling chilled to the bone, every cell in his body protesting.

"I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry."

They both spoke at the same time, suddenly polite strangers, avoiding looking at each other.  
Shiro stepped back, turning, his prof deeply drawn breath he opened his eyes.

Then drew in another gasping lungful of air.

Shiro was still standing there.

What...

"Keith, I'm sorry, but...I have to." Shiro said, "I have to get this off my chest." His voice was quivering, uncertain.

Keith frowned. "What's wrong?"

Shiro stepped back, turning, his profile all sharp angles, as Keith watched with a sinking feeling at the pit of his stomach.

He closed his eyes, unable to witness Shiro walking away from him.

Again.

Perhaps a minute or five passed, and with a sigh he opens his eyes. Shiro is still there. Before he could say anything else, Shiro held up his hands.

"No, please, (his voice broke)...just let me finish. Please."

He looked at Keith with an emotion that the latter couldn't decipher. He'd always listen to Shiro...he just nodded his head, not trusting his own voice Shiro, maintained a few in-grained Japanese senses, and he bowed his head as if asking for forgiveness.

Keith hadn't seen Shiro do things like this outside of family gatherings.

It felt so formal...yet...so intimate at the same time.

Confused Keith tried to remember what each small increment of degrees in those bows meant, but he honestly couldn't remember.So he stayed quiet.

Shiro knelt down, tucking his feet under him, head still bowed.

It was a bit surreal, but Shiro gestured with his hands for Keith to stop just as the latter was going to follow suit and kneel.

After 30 beats of his heart, not that Keith was counting, Shiro cleared his throat.

"Keith, I'm sorry to burden you like this. But...I need to say it before we...don't see each other again."

Suddenly dread curled up Keith’s spine, what was going on...

"I know this isn't the place or time...God Allura will be so mad...but I can't wait. I've waited a long time already...and given everything I don't know if we'll ever have the chance to talk, face to face."

Keith swallowed, hands clenched...was Shiro...dying? What...

"Do you remember that summer when we all went to the cottage, when we were around twelve?"

Keith nodded.

"Well...it was then I realized I didn't like girls much...actually not at all...hahaha like hello, I'm gay..."

Keith’s leg twitched with the urge to kick Shiro. He was seriously making a joke?

"Ahem...well do you know why I knew?"

Keith frowned, if Shiro was going to make another joke...he shook his head.

"I knew because I...I fell in love with a boy."

Keith blinked. Shiro had never mentioned anything at that time as far as he could remember. Who was around the cottage? There were other kids around, but he didn't recall anyone in particular that Shiro had shown any specific attention to.

"I know, twelve is way too young to know about love, but I just...I couldn't get him out of my mind. I thought maybe after we went home, I'd feel different. But I didn't."

Shiro locked eyes with him, and Keith nodded in encouragement. He was puzzled why this was important, but he'll listen as long as Shiro needed him to.

"It actually got worse...not that I didn't try to get over it. But it was just hopeless, no one compared." Shiro paused.

Keith’s curiosity got the better of him. "Why didn't you tell...him?"

"Because I didn't want to ruin our friendship."

Who the fuck was this fucking boy? Er, man? Shiro was popular, he always had a lot of friends, who was it that Shiro was especially close with all those years? And how had Keith not noticed? Because clearly it wasn't someone Shiro had dated.

"Who the fuck would turn you down?", he spat out, unable to stay quiet. "Like who wouldn't want to date YOU?"

At the strange look Shiro gave him, Keith kept babbling, "Come on, you're Shiro! Was this guy blind? Missing brain cells? What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

Shiro shook his head. "Keith, I just told you, I didn't want to ruin our friendship."

"Yeah, I got that, but if you loved him why the hell didn't you just tell him? How do you know he didn't feel the same way?"

"Because...*he* never showed any interest in me. And then I ruined it all, by trying to get him jealous. That backfired on me big time."

Keith rolled his eyes. "Well...maybe if you had been upfront with him from the start...who the fuck is this lame fucking bastard anyway?"

Shiro stared at him.

"Who?" Keith asked. His impatience was getting the better of him.

"Are you...seriously not getting it?"

"Dude, I've been racking my brain for the last 84 years trying to figure it out. Like we were best friends all that time, and I can't remember anyone else you..."

Keith gasped, covering his mouth.

Wait..."our friendship"..."our"...

No...wut...no...

It just couldn’t...

Keith gulped, "Is it...is it ...is it Matt?"

Shiro looked stunned. "Matt?"

"Yes, Matt, Matthew Holt, you know Pidge's brother?"

"Why on earth would you think it was Matt? In alternative reality did I know Matt when I was twelve?"

Keith stuttered, "I don't know. What the hell, Shiro? The only person you've known the longest, have...had the longest friendship was with me. Obviously you didn't even know I was alive while you were busy flirting with all those other guys...why the hell were you even flirting with them if you liked someone else? It's clear the only person getting all fucking jelly was just me..."

There's a very loud silence as they look at each other.

"You...were jealous?"

There was an unholy light in Shiro’s eyes, as Keith tried to think of some way to backtrack.

Suddenly Shiro was crowding him...when the hell did he move so fast...Keith kept shuffling back, but Shiro kept following till Keith felt a bench pressing at the back of his knees.

"I...I didn't..." Keith was stammering, it was hard to focus when Shiro was so close.

"Were you jealous?"

God damn it...how the hell did he manage to make this about himself when it was Shiro who had been trying to tell himself something?

The poor man had even made a big deal of it, kneeling and all.

And what the hell did Keith do?

Inadvertently confess that HE was a loser who had been Kermit the frog green with jealousy.  
For years.

"Umm...noooo?" Keith said, even though it sounded like the obvious lie that it was.

Shiro frowned,"...oh..."

Why fuck did he have to look like a kicked puppy?

Why was Keith so weak for himboes?

Well, just one himbo.

"Ughhh, fine", Keith shoved very ineffectively at the solid slab of muscles...oh pecs...noice...no, creepy Keith, creepy.

He shook his head, dropping his suddenly groping hands.

"Fine, I was not happy about that you were a total manslut and flirted with every fucking swole asshole who..." Keith stopped.

Shiro had dropped his head down and was...shaking?

"Are...are you crying...Shiro?"

Suddenly Keith’s hands were in Shiro’s.

"Keith...all these years, all these fucking years, since we moved next door, then...that summer..." Shiro gulped audibly, "I've been in love with you."

What...Keith just stared, eyes frantically darting from Shiro’s eyes to his lips back to his eyes, as if trying to reconcile the movement of those lips with the words he could hear...what...what.."But...but..." Keith was saying the same words over and over, "But...but...you said..."

"You...you never once..." There were tears in his eyes, he was breathing hard. "You left me!"

Shiro’s eyes were shimmering, too.

"I left because I couldn't...I was too weak to not throw myself at you that...night. I just wanted it to be so true. I wanted badly to believe that maybe the love of my life, maybe, just maybe, cared for me, too. But I didn't want you to feel anything for me out of some misguided guilt for a friend, I didn't want to push you into that corner..."

Keith swallowed the lump in his throat, "So you pushed me away instead of just telling me?"

Shiro let go of his hands, "I never thought I was..."

Keith interrupted him, "You're right. You never "thought" how much you were hurting me, did you? You said some fucking awful things..." Shiro tried to say something, but Keith shook his head, "No, let "Me finish, Shirogane. You fucking left, just fucking left. You fucking ghosted me, you turned the other way when we saw each other on campus."

Keith drew in a breath, shaking with anger.

"How fucking dare you tell me two fucking whole years of pretending that I didn't exist  
on this God forsaken planet...that you fucking love me...loved me since you were 12 years old?"

Shiro tried to take his hand, protesting, but Keith shoved it away.

"Who the fuck do you think you are?Fuck you. Fuck. You. Fuck you, Takashi Shirogane for breaking my heart. For fucking ruining this fucking evening, for ruining my life..." Keith was yelling, trying to hold back the flood of emotions back, but the tears fell and he couldn't care anymore.

He couldn’t breathe, he was suffocating under the deluge of anger, sadness, heartbreak and a thousand other feelings he couldn’t understand, let alone name.

Part of him wanted to kick & scream, somehow physically demonstrate the onslaught of sentiment he felt coursing through his veins. Another part just wanted to cry and cry, sob till there wasn't an iota of liquid left in his body.

And then in the middle of all the chaos, the whirlpool of conflicting torment, somewhere a small fledgling of hope was struggling to take flight.

Shiro loved him...had always...no...he had been abandoned, left to somehow try and glue back the pieces of his heart, the one he had unknowingly given to his ex-best friend only to have it stomped over in to a million pieces by so-called friend...he couldn’t possibly even feel any more.

He had spent years biting back from ever expressing his want, shoving it aside to try and be happy that Shiro was...dating other guys, and not him, never him, the stupid socially awkward boy who was too quick to anger, to quick to lash out, despite how much his parents doted on him...God, what was his problem?

Why couldn't he be normal like everyone else? Why?

"There's no such thing as normal...Keith you're fine, why do you even want to be like anyone else?"

Shiro’s voice jolted Keith out of his spiraling thoughts.

Had he said things out loud?

"I know I fucked up, but Keith so what if you don't like crowds? Why is it so important to be popular? Do you even care what strangers think?"

Shiro was kneeling by him, Keith not sure how they had both ended up on the paved garden path, sitting on the slabs if concrete

"You're better than any fucking influencer online, you're graduating top of your class, you're ...ahh...you're gorgeous...," Shiro shuffled just a bit sheepishly. "...you know that you have Hunk and Pidge, and Lance...Shae, Allura (they both guilty groaned...hopefully they'd be allowed to say their goodbyes to their families before they had to face the guillotine). They are worth 8 million followers on any social media. I...I know I fucked up, but...you have me...I mean I have your back...I know It doesn't mean much, not after I left." Shiro closed his eyes.," I have no ground to stand on, not I...I won't ever give up...on you. There's no one I'd be more prouder to call a friend than you."

Silver grey eyes met amethyst ones, both a little scared, neither one prepared, but no longer concealing hurt secrets.

There's so much Keith wants to say, to ask, but for the moment just seeing the vulnerability in Shiro’s eyes seems enough.

By all rights, he should be seething still in anger; it's not easy to get over two years of heartache simply because some long held back emotions have been exposed.  
His heart is still raw. He's still grappling with the confession of the one boy he's loved forever and his cruelty.

First things first though.

"How...are you dating Joel...I mean..."

"Jake? No, no, no, he's almost as good as married to his girlfriend. I..." Shiro sheepishly scratched the back of his neck, "I was really dreading coming on my own, knowing you'd be here, and he, them, that is Jake & Tori, his girlfriend know about...you, so he volunteered to come along for moral support."

"You guys were dancing..." Keith trailed off.

"I swear to God, Keith, he's a friend and not...look here's him and his girlfriend and their daughter..." Shiro took out his phone. "Oh shit...there's like a thousand texts from the Hunk..."

Keith took out his own and groaned; they had been out here for so long.

"Shit!" They both said, looking up at each other.

"We have to go back..." Keith said.

"That would be the right thing to do." Shiro nodded.

"I mean we're missing out on Allura’s big night."

"And a lot of speeches." Shiro dead panned. "A lot. Some might say more than necessary."

"Oh my God, what the fuck is with all this bullshit?" Keith rolled his eyes.

"So...you want me to text everyone and tell them...what exactly?"

Keith bit his bottom lip, "I lost my way from the men's room?"

Shiro started typing, "It is a vast complex you're not familiar with." "Hmm, hmm and you were looking for me?"

"Right and then we both lost our way in this...garden maze, maze like garden."

Keith sees the text notifications light up on his screen, but he doesn't read them, his phone had been on silence and watching Shiro’s eyes light up with a conspiratorial gleam, like they were cutting classes when they were in high school, Keith didn't particularly want to go back.

Not yet.

Not when there were a lot of things to be said.

"For some strange reason I'm getting a lot of eye rolling memes from those guys." Shiro smiled, looking up from his phone.

And Keith felt it in his core, he had missed that smile so much.

So fucking much.

Even now...

"Kei..." Shiro’s eyes went wide, then closed as his arms were suddenly filled with Keith...a whole lot of Keith, his face fitting just so right in the space where Shiro’s neck met his chest.  
He lost his breath, then tightened his hold, nuzzling into soft black hair with his face.

"I missed you so much." He whispered, "I don't...I know I don't deserve you. I should've told you two years, no, back then, years ago. I just...didn't know how."

Keith lifted his head, face streaked with tears.

"You hurt me."

Shiro swallowed down the lump in his throat, nodding. "I know."

He did.

His stupidity not only made him suffer, but made Keith go through a world of hurt which he never wanted.

He hated himself.

"I can't change the past. But...if...if you said..." Shiro paused, trying to find the right words, "If you could ever, maybe just, just be my friend again, I promise I'll try to be worthy of it."

"Friend..." Keith looked away.

"Because I can't ask you for more. I don't deserve it. Not anymore." Shiro held his breath; he didn't. That Keith hadn't moved away, hadn't stabbed him in the gut though he definitely deserved it, was a miracle.

And though he wasn't a religious person, he knew asking for more was surely pushing God, who probably had a billion better things to do than to help Shiro out with his non-existent love life.

Finally when Shiro thought he was going to die from lack of air in his lungs, Keith looked at him again.

"What if I never want us to go back to being friends?"

Shiro held it together, even though he wanted to yell.

To scream.

Beg and beg and beg for Keith to let him back in his life.

He'd grovel for a thousand years, if he could just be even allowed to stand next to Keith.

Just for a minute.

But he's had that chance, had it for years and never took it.

"If that's what you want...then I guess we go back and just..." he can't continue.

Keith moves back, and Shiro’s arms fall away.

"Ok." is all Keith says in return.

__________

Keith is wrapping up his report from the last flight simulation. His eyes sting a little from looking at data the last few hours and despite the screen being at eye level, his neck feels sore.

Great, I'm an old man at 26, he thinks, stretching. He yawns, as there's a knock on the door.  
"Come in."

Allura’s head peeks in, "Hey, done for the week?"

He hits the save and submit button, and nods, "Now I am."

"Great, want to join us for a few drinks? Or plans with the boy toy?"

Keith rolls his eyes. "We've only been on 3 dates, Allura, unlike you, we're not married."

Allura walks in, and plops down on his desk, swinging her legs. "Hmm, hmm, how is it going?"

Keith takes in a deep breath trying to think of an answer. What could he say? This is the first time he's made it past date one, and while Marcus is a nice enough guy, Keith isn't fully invested.

"Too early." He says, avoiding Allura’s proving gaze.

"You can ask him to join us, if he's free." She says.

Keith takes out his phone, chews at his lip, hesitating. It's going to be people from work, plus Allura which means Lotor will join at some point. While he's ok with the pair, he's not sure he wants to deal with twenty questions from his other co-workers.

He shakes his head and Allura doesn't say anything else. They walk the short distance to the bar, in comfortable silence. By now, he’s more than used to the security that follows Allura, to be expected when you’re friends with actual royalty really.

An hour later, it's loud and he just enjoys his beer as everyone else is talking all at once.

He's gotten used to it, not the socially awkward boy he was in university, comfortable in his own skin. He likes his work, happy that Allura is there with him even though they didn't work on the same things all the time, it was good to know he could rely on her if needed.

People had initially thought he had been hired because of the Princess, but moving to Altea hadn't been his top choice past graduation, but then he applied on a whim for an exchange program and found himself looking at Allura’s surprised face on his first day at work.

It was a good change, and being in a place which had no painful memories attached was exactly what he needed.

He stayed in touch with the gang, but not as frequently as in the beginning when he had moved, to be expected when your friends lived in three different time zones combined. He wasn't interested in partying his weekends away anymore, and had always preferred a small social circle, comfortable spending his free time tinkering on his bike.

He was content. For the most part.

Someone nearby yelled out "Get a room!" as Lotor kissed Allura in greeting. He rolled his eyes; get a drinks in and even the most responsible doctorates made dumb jokes.

"You're all just jealous." Lotor responded, giving Allura another peck on her cheeks, and hugging her close.

The conversation changed to something else, and Keith flagged down the server for another drink.

He was listening to Rashid's diatribe about the fuel efficiency tests, when his phone started vibrating.

It was Marcus, and Keith tried to tamper the irritation he felt right away.

Deep breaths, he reminded himself, it wasn't a crime to call the man you've been on dates with the last few Friday evenings. But...he just couldn't bring himself to answer. He texted back instead, telling himself there was too much noise to have a conversation anyway.

"Are you free tonight?"

"I'm out with ppl from work." He answered, hoping that was the end of it.

But there was an almost immediate response, "Co workers only? Or can I join?"

Keith closed his eyes. Why was he getting worked up?

"Coworkers." He typed out, ignoring that there were actually three couples in the group who consisted of definitely not colleagues.

"Orly?"

Keith huffed out a breath. He didn’t mind Marcus, really he didn't, he just wasn't in the mood to try and pretend to be all sunshine and rainbows as was expected on an evening with maybe, possible future boyfriend.

It was Friday and he just wanted to not go on anything remotely resembling a date.

"Sorry. Ttyl."

Get a clue, he almost added, but then deleted it,and shoved the phone back into his pocket.

"Sorry, you were...", he turned to Rashid, when someone tapped him on the shoulder.

Startled he looked over his shoulders. And saw an all too familiar face.

Shit, he thought, well this is awkward.

Fuck my life.

"So just coworkers, huh?" Marcus asked & well, Keith couldn't really deny anything, could he?

"It's not..." He began, but then stopped.

"It's ok, I guess maybe I was hoping for something that you're not ready for yet. I just thought we were both looking for an actual relationship."

"No, I do...I really want to...", Keith trailed off, eyes drawn to Allura & Lotor. They were laughing at something, Lotor casually kissing Allura’s hair.

He wanted that. He wanted to have someone who he could call up to get drinks on a Friday night. He wanted to have a night off with people without that person, too, and not have to hide the fact. While there were couples at the table tonight, it wasn't always the case.

He wanted both, he wanted…

"We're not like that." Marcus said, following his gaze, "No, it's ok, don't. You can't force feelings."

"Marcus, I...", Keith started, but the other man shook his head. "It's okay. It was nice...our dates, I can't honestly say it wasn't. But..." he cocked his head towards the table where he had been sitting with his group of friends, "They were talking about going bar hopping, I'll join them, you don't need worry, we're good. No hard feelings and all that stuff."

Keith sighed, but he awkwardly stood there as he watched the other man walk back to his friends.

Great.

Wonderful.

What the hell was wrong with him? He didn't even feel anything for Marcus, no lingering sadness, no sense of loss, just a sense of dread that now he had to go through the whole shit routine of trying to find someone, dates which left him bored or angry if the other guy came on too strong.

Ughhh.

Wow...did he just react like a shallow, vapid asshole? He didn't even say goodbye to Marcus or put up any kind of fight, he barely said anything at all.

He walked back to where everyone else was, shrugging...maybe, maybe he just thought he had to be in a relationship because society shoved it down your throat.

His phone buzzed, it was Allura. "You ok? Do we need to get out of here?"

Ok, she was the best.

Keith told her that exactly that in his text, he even added emojis, cheesy heart eyes and all. "Everything ok. Pinky swear."

She still raised her eyebrow at him across the table, and Keith picked up his glass as a toast in response.

A few minutes later, he deleted Marcus' contact from his phone.

No big loss.

Actually now he could take out his bike tomorrow instead of trying to figure out what movie to watch for a date.

See it was better to be single after all.

Fuck society's expectations.

_______

“See that? That’s Mars.” Keith says, ruffling the fur on the puppy’s head. Kosmo licks his hand, not very much interested in the astronomy lesson.

“Pay attention, ok? How can you be the second dog in space if you don’t know where the planets are?”

Kosmo lets out a little bark, making Keith laugh. He nuzzles into the dog’s fur, getting up slowly.

It was past midnight, the fireworks were for sure over, going back home was a good idea before he was too sleepy to drive. He double-checked that Kosmo was securely strapped in his harness before he started up his bike.

It was a bit cooler now, he shivered just a bit, zipping up his jacket.

“Ready buddy?” he asked, and Kosmo answered with a little bark making him laugh again.

The street lights passed by in a blur as he expertly weaved around the corner, enjoying the way the road wrapped around the mountain. He liked driving up here, there wasn’t much traffic, especially today when most everyone was probably busy watching fireworks and celebrating Altea’s National Day. He had seen some smoke of campfires, people no doubt making the best of the long weekend at the park.

He had initially been thinking of camping, too, but then Allura was hosting a small get together the next day so he decided against it. He still made the hour and a half long drive out to the park because he knew Kosmo wouldn’t enjoy the sound of the fireworks and he wanted to just enjoy an evening of star gazing by himself.

A particularly sharp turn was coming up, and Keith perked up, it was one of the more difficult ones that wrapped around the mountain and he was always looking forward to it. This was the first time he had Kosmo with him, so he felt even more excited.

“Here we go…” he said to Kosmo, the words flying out of his mouth, wind rushing by.

The next thing he saw was a flash of lights and heard a bark before everything was too loud, too bright, his bike flying out from under him, but he was trying to reach for Kosmo...and then there nothing, but darkness and pain.

**Author's Note:**

> This will be two chapters, the 2nd one will like be much, much shorter.
> 
> Come yell at me: On Twitter [@JinathHyder](https://twitter.com/JinathHyderr), Insta [Lucifer's Arch Priestess](https://www.instagram.com/jinathhyder/) Cheers! ♥ ♥


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